Busy days have started again...

Life has got so busy, at the end of the day if i think what i did there is nothing much to count or to tell about , all the time trying harder to make the other day more better, struggling to be happy. As the days are passing , i m understanding the realities of life.

And one reality i have understood is that i m never gonna enjoy married life..
M i really bad gal ??? I ask myself hundred times this question or life is unfair to me...
My world is upside down... I broke with my best relation...friends have not remain best.. work performance or customer satisfaction is zero.. my life is out of track.. trying my luck every where..
Why this is happening with me.. what wrong deeds i have done.. i give my best every where.. but still all are dissatisfied with me. i myself am dissatisfied.... the question is...........
 How do i deal with me..???? what can i do ... the way i feel ????

after a long time....

Last few moth went in lot of fun and happy excitements.....
Thing were just waiting for me....
I was impossible to believe ... how come i m so happy and everything is happening good to me  ???????
I was and people around me in my work place were happy with me... i was performing above the line... i was overflowed with appreciations...
My family and my friends  were happy too....... to see me happy, to manage my relations with them my behavior and my attitude towards life etc etc.....
And ....
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 Now the happy days have left me.... its like now they were and now they are gone...
firstly i got the signs of these unhappy bizarre day with weird dreams....
like room full of insects... i drowning in water even though i know to swim i was willing to die...
so those dreams came into reality in different way ...
Now whatever i do its wrong and disobedient.....
time is going against me....
my not happy with my work neither people around me ...they dislike me... my relation have spoiled with my friends and family...
i started hating them a lot... and criticizing them.....
 i made some new friends during my good time .. well was knowing that they were not going to last long...
and was not sure about there purpose of friendship...
so now m able to understand that even....
I m feeling much alone.... no doubt my life is tooo bore.... bt ws used to it and made my mind to stay with it...
Now i have got sick of my life, work people on this earth with everything...
and so without reason m furious and arrogant .... and cant express it ..... but somehow my frustration comes out.....
I don't know how but only 1 person on this earth can understand me well and top of it can bear my madness... and i m and he is very sure of this that we dont ave any affection for each other and loves each others company.....
Also have got soooooooooooooo negative........... i dnt knw what to say on it...
Lets see whats next to come.......

..........!

Got to tell best thing happened in last week......
As i said already about a fight with my friend cum colleague, after that a sweet thing happened with me , well they aren't related to each other..... but after some sad time some cute times are required!
Right Na?
Any ways the sweet thing was that on Thursday my dad received a proposal of a guy for me ... (of course for marriage), so he and his family came to meet us on Saturday.....
At first i wasn't interested to all this program cause i was already aware of mentality and tendency of these people and how it will end, but you know Parents are parents , they wont listen !
so unwillingly i was part of it, also i was nervous, scared and pessimistic.
Cause you know, how it happens , these people come with (lot of) expectation and show as if they aren't   expecting anything, and without being neutral or normal they keep on making direct judgement and conclusions, I mean before understanding, without considering positive and negative side. They are not genuine firstly but they expect us to be genuine and even though we are genuine they wont believe it !
so i was frustrated n was like FUCK OFF yaa....!
Perhaps i m wrong and they are right . But this is my thinking.
Its hard to (read their minds) say whats going on in their mind !

But their was twist in the meeting, when our parents left us alone to interact.
I was like , now what he is going to judge ???????  i wasn't in mood to reply anything genuinely, as i was aware of the consequences that he or his family is not going to approve me coz in main 2 things he was far more superior to me so..... (This was my Judgement!)
.......so as we started interacting as usual i starter answering him the way i m , without thinking that.....
 is he judging me? or
 what he wants to listen? or
 he will like or not ?or
 its right or wrong ? or
 i should say such thing or not ?
AND finally, actually during that session or after that i was really feeling good, their was compatibility in our thoughts and likenesses so i was happy and lighted up! 
I mean he created an comfortable and friendly environment.
I LIKED HIM HE WAS MATURE SENSIBLE AND CUTE !
Well i don't know what he thinks about me, or what he felt ?????????????
cause i was too much talkative and too friendly.
Hope he don't perceive it wrongly.
Till date i had hopes of his approval but i guess i was in illusion. And now m feeling worst and inferior about me and bad that we cant be together.

But still i m waiting...........

No Regrets !

My working place is too bore, and in addition to it one of my colleague is too annoying. Well he's not just a colleague but also my "FRIEND".
..... 5 days (Saturday) back he was disturbed  due to some of his personal matter, and i was knowing but i didn't asked why he is upset at that time (cause i don't want to interfere in his personal matters, and earlier i tried to ask, but he didn't responded, so...) .Well next day i tried to speak, but he resisted. And also for 3 days he didn't spoke to me (well even i didn't, i was busy in my cousins wedding). Well it was clear he was angry on me and he said he needed me at that time and i was not there ! and i tried to explain everything and apologized .
But his negative, resistant, disgusting behavior pestered me, so i just left and moved on which annoyed him.
And today (Thursday) i directly went and spoke to him to clear the misunderstanding but again the same behavior and annoying responses made me to say him that " I have got tired of explaining and convincing all the time"
As many times there is argument on some other matter and i have to do same thing, and i do it just for friendship sake. But now enough is enough i just cant bear it more . You know we should not pull things like elastic till the end or else it breaks.
So i said him this thing straight forwardly and he replied that "If you are not interested then don't speak !"
again i tried to tell him "its not the matter,i understood my fault and i just want to leave it and move on... "
For this his response was "I don't want Conditional Friendship !"

Then i stood up and calmly said "Fine, No issue !"

.......and i 'm ACCEPTING IT WITH NO REGRETS .

My to do things !

Have u ever imagined n promised yourself you would test drive a Ferrari, would learn an instrument, scuba dive ? well don't put them off. Here is my list of things i have imagined to do before i die.
1.  Go to white water Rafting , want to experience the thrill n lose the fear .
2. Write the story of my life , it would be dream come true to publish my book
3. Blow month's salary on  dresses, shoes, watches  and Perfumes !
4. learn to play at least one song, i may not be Eric clapton but i guess i can manage few chords.
5. Learn a different Language, 
6. Spend a week in Vegas
7. Snowboarding
8. Ride a giant roller coaster
9. Learn Hip hop n salsa dance.
10. Make million money , and spend them all.
11.Climb Mount Everest.
12.Marry to a guy who loves me most n the way i 'm
13. Run a business or be an Entrepreneur 
14. Own  cars -  i20, Honda Accord, Beetle volkswagen and BMW X5
15.  Take a Test drive of Porsche, Ferrari.   


Well what's in your list ?

About me !

I m a fun-loving, childish and ardent curious about life. I m a dreamer and has many dreams. Eager to learn something new all the time. I have all kind of mixed emotions at the same time, so really confused about who i m ?
likes to stay in my own world to figure out the thing around me. I get bored and tired with my own surrounding more than at work. I never feel content with my present work, money, relations, or reputations. Don't ask me what is my ultimate contentment for i will not have an answer. 
Beside this i love to have someone walk side by side with me, together and equally.